You’ve found the perfect collar or the ideal restraints, but you don’t know the size? Measuring without spoiling the surprise is a real challenge. With a little creativity and the right strategies, you can master the situation.
The surprising reality: often expected, but still wonderful
Let’s be honest, a first collar or a nice pair of cuffs are difficult to give as a surprise gift. The first time, your partner will probably know that something is coming, but not when or what it will be. As with other gifts—and especially in the BDSM area—you will hopefully have asked about their interests and tastes beforehand.
This makes a completely unexpected surprise practically impossible, unless you replace existing accessories.
What you should consider beforehand
Better to choose the right size than to keep it a secret. No one wants to wear a collar that is too tight for long, and collars that are too loose do not serve their purpose. A gift that does not fit is not a good surprise.
My standard fasteners offer adjustment in 0.5 cm increments and an adjustment range of 7 cm for collars and 4 cm for restraints. So you probably have some leeway to estimate, but when in doubt, it’s better to be less secretive and more accurate. In this article, I’ll try to give you some ideas on how to do it secretly, but obvious measuring is always an alternative. You can still keep the details to yourself, and anticipation has its own potential for torture.
For lockable products or other special fastenings, you will need to measure more accurately. You will find the adjustment options in the product description.
It is also important to remember that data is private. Consent is therefore also important here. You know better than I do how explicit or implicit this needs to be in this case and in your relationship.
Methods for covert measurement
Use what is available
The simplest and most inconspicuous way is to use existing references:
Existing BDSM accessories: If your partner already has a collar or restraints, you can measure them. It is best to do this when they are closed. Place the item around a suitable can, bottle, vase, or something similar that is round, and then measure the circumference of the object. This makes it easier, because the length when laid flat can differ greatly from the circumference when worn. The material, construction, and workmanship all play a role here. Your item does not have to fit the desired hole exactly—the deviation from the flat measurement is usually the same for all holes, and you can measure the difference between the holes on the flat piece and adjust the length accordingly.
If this is not possible or you cannot find anything suitable, measure the flat surface when open and send a photo. Padding, different buckles, and other details can significantly affect the size. With a photo, I can estimate what adjustments are needed in terms of size and whether I need additional measurements.
Everyday items: Watches, bracelets, anklets, or tight necklaces can serve as a reference. Here, too, the ideal approach is to use the cylinder method or send a photo. Pay attention to how tight these items are normally worn. The tighter, the better as a reference.
Compete in the game
In the heat of the moment or when blindfolded, many things go unnoticed. What works (inconspicuously) depends, of course, on how you usually play and, above all, what is negotiated and allowed. It should be obvious that something truly shocking is not inconspicuous (but may divert attention) and that something that violates boundaries is never justified.
The list is only meant to provide a brief suggestion and is definitely not exhaustive. If you can think of your own ideas, all the better.
Rope sessions: These are ideal for measuring restraints. Mark the rope at the appropriate points and measure it later. Depending on the rope, you can use a pen or chalk, or of course knots, clips, safety pins, or similar items. If you are blindfolded, it is much easier to explain anything if there are any questions. Make sure that the rope does not stretch under tension during play or when measuring, and that the markings disappear inconspicuously before the blindfold is removed.
Chains, ribbons, scarves: anything that is long and flexible enough and does not stretch too much can be used in play. A chain that is pulled over the body and slides briefly around the wrist, a silk scarf that is slowly pulled around the neck. If you can (and are allowed to) place it around the appropriate area and remember the position around the circumference (count the chain links or simply place your fingers on it and mark it later), it can work.
In specific situations: Hospital scenarios, humiliation rituals, or other settings can provide “natural” opportunities for “assessment” or measurement. You have to figure out for yourself how to get away with it unnoticed. But here it makes sense to establish measurement as a ritual, or at least to claim that you want to do so. Regular measuring is actually less conspicuous here than measuring once.
Use neutral pretexts
Sometimes you can find good reasons to take measurements without arousing suspicion about new BDSM toys. But be careful: don’t raise false expectations. Anyone who has their wrist measured for an Apple Watch may be less enthusiastic about leather restraints at first.
The reasons can be anything from other gifts to pure curiosity and comparisons to funny “facts” you’ve found. Again, you know best what your partner will go along with and what would cause mistrust.
Friends or acquaintances can help here, either as a pretext (“Tim wants to surprise his girlfriend, she has a similar build to you. He asked if I could quickly measure you for the size” or “Could you try on this necklace? I’m wondering if it would suit my sister.”) or as the one with the unsuspicious excuse (“I have a necklace that doesn’t fit me, let me measure you to see if it would fit you”).
In this case, it is particularly important to ensure that everyone is in agreement. Not everyone is comfortable with friends and acquaintances knowing that they have been given a pair of handcuffs as a gift, and not everyone wants to know which friends and acquaintances have been given handcuffs as a gift.
Often, “reasonably accurate” is sufficient.
With my standard sizes and the small adjustment increments, an estimate is often sufficient. You don’t have to be accurate to the millimeter. You can find the exact ranges in my sizing guide.
Guidelines for estimates:
- Neck: Women usually S-M (29-39 cm), men usually M-L (32-42 cm)
- Wrists: Women usually XS-S (5.5-7.1 inches), men usually S-M (6.3-7.9 inches)
However, if you have an extremely slim or muscular body, you should measure more accurately or choose a custom-made product.
If you want to check your estimate: Prepare a piece of rope or something similar that corresponds to the middle of your estimated size. For collars, you then have about 2-3 finger widths (3.5 cm) of leeway in each direction, for restraints about 1 finger width (1.5 cm). It is best to measure your fingers again, as everyone has different proportions.
During a session (or under some pretext), you can then discreetly test whether you can bring the ends of the rope together to the required finger width. If it is clearly too tight or too loose, you will know immediately whether you need a smaller or larger size. This is easier to integrate into a bondage session than a complete measurement. But again, only do what fits the dynamic and does not violate any boundaries.
What doesn’t work: Measurements based on photos
Don’t try to estimate the size from photos. Perspective, camera angle, and missing reference points make this practically impossible. Even I, as the manufacturer, cannot do this reliably, and even with a ruler in the picture, it is relatively impossible because one dimension is missing.
Open measurement is always a method
Sometimes the direct approach is the best. You can certainly ask for measurements openly without revealing the specific gift or when it will be given. “I need your measurements for something special” can be just as exciting as a complete surprise. The anticipation and excitement of knowing that something is coming without knowing what it is can even be more intense than a complete surprise.
Secretly gathering body measurements can be worth it for a surprise. But remember: the perfect surprise is the one that fits.
If you have any questions, I am happy to help. Together, we will find the perfect solution for your planned surprise. And if something doesn’t fit, my return policy gives you the security you need.
